Updated: Oct 26
Hello and welcome back! If you are reading this right now, it means you may be in a similar situation, so firstly, let me send you my love, strength and let you know im here if you need to talk. You can find my instagram journey at @_oh.boy.its.ally_ : Ally The Tic Fairy. Secondly, Im going to place some information on what masking is, and what it is to me. MASKING: Masking is a form of “social camouflage” where a person adapts their behaviour in order to be accepted in an environment. Fawning is an attempt to avoid conflict by appeasing people.
To me, this rings very true. I use it daily, i use it even on my own, and i also even do it without realising at all. Fawning is my own issue i deal with alot due to conflict being a large trigger of mine, so again, i often frequently do this.
Now...let's get into the story. It all started with a wedding.
The wedding of my eldest brother was approaching, and i am in the midst of dealing with lots of things i will adress in part three, so yes i am skipping a chapter, but itll make sense, trust me. The reigon i live in, was in a serious lockdown. Ordering a dress took me 4 weeks because i kept getting so anxious about even leaving to go to the wedding that i put it off to the last minute. The dress arrived too long, too big, but i made it work as best i could. Due to my fear of the drive and the area the wedding was being held we had to also hire a driver, bringing along further anticpation and deep anxiety due to me being put in an unfamilar car & driver. So with the dress, and driver booked, the morning dawned and it was time to leave. I took all prepartion i could during the time i got ready, had all my medication packed and as soon as i was applying makeup i could feel myself ice over, and mask entierly.
Now only internally i was in turmoil, but to anybody else, they would see an overly excited woman who was ready to take on the world. I kept my mask very high so that if anything triggered me they would see someone happy still. I was worried someone would see through this or i wouldnt be able to hold it up long enough to get through, and i was right. Due to my self-striking tic i do not have any sharp or potentially harmful towards myself because i have no control over my sevre tics, i cannot supress them and if i try its far too taxing on me in many aspects. The reception had cutlery, and once the knives were in my line of sight, my mask dropped and i instantly started to tic, grabbing at all of them, and luckily i was sat next to my closest suppourt unit i also live with who knows my signs and every tic, who swiftly helped me avoid harming myself, but this did mean my family saw the tics, and i began panicking and had to leave.
Upon the drive home my house mate handed me my much needed medication, as soon as i got into the van, i sunk. I could not even lift my hands to get my tablets. When i got home, i arrived, pet my dogs i climbed into bed at 5pm and woke up at 10am the next morning. Utter exahustion.
Surpressing my tics, masking, fawning, and everything that came with an overwhelming sense of the need to be away from people. This brings me to my point of advice, and explanation. While my situation is individual to me, many others do the same and i know everyone deals in their own way.
Social draining and tourettes are not a friendly pair. This experience has taught me to recognise my limits, Find more triggers and always have myself with another person until i have potentially harmful tics under control. To be safe, please try to know your own limits, and have others respect them too, you are the one who puts them in place and they get put there for a reason. You are not invalid in your reasoning no matter what they say.
Thank you for tuning in for this segment, remember to love yourself, have courage, be kind. Create magic, for that is what you are.
Until Part 3, my dear readers;
All my love, Ally The Tic Fairy.