Life can change

Medication. Pills galore. We all know about this. One missed dose. A horrible scene. From side effects of withdrawal to feeling off. To seizures. Yes especially for an epileptic.

4:45am most are still asleep. 15 minutes until moms alarm goes off for work. Back track. The week before was perfect for my mom. From venting to her boss. To patients yelling. To crying in the car. Ok not so perfect. From taking me to and back to work. With a short break from dad doing it. From a job interview that was perfect except the pay. A job offer that has to be declined. To have to stay in a horror pit once more. Im rambling sorry lets get back on topic shall we! The weekend came. A suprise visit from a close friend. This is when it happened we think. A simple change. A moment of excitement a lapse of new. One simple moment can change your life. Can make you forget.

The weekend was so fun. Filled with work for me. 4:30pm-10pm on Saturday and 9-5pm on sunday! Then came today. Now we are back to 4:45am.

Sleep. Then a scream. Not just any scream one that echoes through your skull for months and what feels like eons. The scream of a seizure. It was brief. Over by the time i ran in. Atleast i know im not the cause now. Past 2 times before this one i slept with her. I havent slept since the last to terrified. To filled with guilt and fear. I was in my own bed. She was safe or so I thought.

The horse breathing came. This part scares her the most. She describes it as being trapped in your body unable to stop it. Unable to speak. Just have to let it run its horrible horrible course. For me its everything but especially her eyes. The glossy fear ridden eyes that stare into your soul. That cause nightmares. That play and play over and over in your head. Then comes coherence. Questions asked and answered correctly. Bosses and coworkers texted. Family informed. Prayers given.No work. Yay a three day weekend at a cost. Rest. Not so easy to do when having to console an autistic person crying and shaking from the event with all three rushing through her head at the same time. Flashbacks. Eventually we calmed. She rested. I watched. Havent slept since. Its now 3:48pm. Almost 12 hours. For the most part the day has been relaxing if you can call a day starting off with a seizure relaxing.

I suppose im writing this to get my thoughts out. To make since of the jumbled mess. Rituals and routine messed up. Anxiety. One missed dose. Thank you for hearing my vent. My story of today. 💚

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